Today’s Tuesday Tip comes from personal experience, both recent and previous experience.

If you have dealt with a chronic illness for any length of time, you have likely been “gaslit” by medical staff. Here is one definition of gaslighting, “Medical gaslighting describes a behavior in which a physician or other medical professional dismisses or downplays a patient’s physical symptoms or attributes them to something else, such as a psychological condition. Medical gaslighting is especially likely to happen to women and people of color.” (Found here.) I would add that it happens to those with chronic or rare conditions. (Yes, from experience I can say this.)

For purposes of today’s tip, that definition is a bit more intense than what we mean, but it gives you an idea of what we are talking about.

Many times over the course of my chronic illness/disability journey, my parents (when I was younger) or I (as I grew older) have dealt with medical personnel dismissing my symptoms, attributing them to being “all in my head,” outright mocking me to my face (seriously), or ignoring a request for help. Sometimes it was years later before we received a diagnosis that validated what we had been telling the doctors for years. What we said was happening was indeed happening.

After an experience this weekend, I have been contemplating the question, What would Jesus do? How do we respond Biblically? I share this story only as an example of what happened and as a way to discuss how we can handle this.

This past weekend, a painful injury caused by medication side effects had me experiencing a minor incidence of medical gaslighting. Like many of you, pain is simply part of our everyday existence. This pain was way above anything I typically deal with, but because of my familiarity with pain, I was calmly explaining what was happening. The medical staff were not believing my pain level. I knew we had to get the pain under control as pain exacerbates some other serious conditions which could cause further injuries. I needed help quickly.

Yet, at first, I was not being taken seriously. One medical worker even told me that I could transfer from the wheelchair to the chair myself although one leg was injured and one arm was unusable with the IV placed right where my crutch would go meaning less support. Ummm… normally I am quite independent. Right then, I could not be. She said, “You can do it yourself. Just try.” Ummm… thanks for that.

Side note: When the test results came back showing there was indeed injury which would cause the high level of pain I was reporting, this worker came back to help me with something else and was as kind and caring as could be. Other workers were also very kind and accommodating throughout the visit. I think the one nurse in particular realized later that I was not simply being lazy or dramatic. Overall, the experience was as pleasant as it could be. And, please know that this is a minor example of being gaslit. We have experienced many instances of a more serious and prolonged type of gaslighting.

Why do I share this? It made me stop and think. How should we handle it Biblically when not being taken seriously? Our first response may be to lash out or be bitter. We may want to blame the medical personnel for their attitude against us. We take it personally. I don’t think that is how God would have us handle the situation.

Here are some things I was thinking about to keep a Biblical perspective in our responses.

1. Pray and ask God to fight for you and to go before you. (Psalm 31:8)
2. Guard your tongue. Ask God to give you the words to say. Use a soft answer. (Proverbs 16:23-24, Proverbs 15:21-22)
3. Be kind. Firm, but kind. (Ephesians 4:32)
4. Stay calm. (OK… I know this is hard. Trust me. Tears come.)
5. Give grace. They deal with a lot of people. Some of these people are truly only seeking medication or attention. The medical staff are people and have much going on. Give grace. (Colossians 4:6)
6. Give the benefit of the doubt. You have no idea how their day has been or how many drug-seeking patients they have seen that day. (1 Corinthians 13:7) Think the best.
7. Stay calm. (Yes, this is in there twice.) You may have to ask for help repeatedly. Stay calm.
8. Realize that their doubt is not reflective of your identity. You are still worthy. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, you are a child of God.
9. Know that even if they doubt what you are saying, it does not mean that your condition is not legitimate. They simply do not understand or are not yet finding the issue.
10. Understand that it may take time for them to understand you are truly going through what you declare. Do not give up. It may even help to go into appointments with a list of symptoms and how it is affecting your life. Have a copy for them to review. Ask them for ideas of how to manage the condition or referrals to people who could help you overcome the condition.
11. Do not get bitter. It is so tempting to harbor bitterness and anger. (Hebrews 12:15) Bitterness ruins you, not them.
12. Remember that God is not taken back by this. He knows the end from the beginning. He is walking this path, yes, even this path with you. (Isaiah 41:10)

In all of this, I am not downplaying what happened. I have experienced it, sometimes for years before a firm diagnosis validated all that we told the doctors. As you handle this Biblically, it doesn’t mean that:

1. You can’t stand up for yourself.
2. You can’t ask for another medical worker or get a second opinion.
3. You can’t continue to seek the right diagnosis.
4. You can’t speak up. Sometimes, it helps to directly say something to the effect of “It seems I may not be communicating the seriousness of this to you clearly or the degree to which it is affecting my life. How can I better help you understand?”
5. You are a victim. It means you haven’t found the right answer or possibly the right medical professional for you yet.

It does mean, however, that we are still ambassadors for Christ even in this situation.

We all have likely faced being gaslit and will likely experience it again.

Let’s look at ways that we can honor God in our responses. We are not responsible for their gaslighting, but we are responsible for our responses to them. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic as I am still wrestling through this myself. How can we glorify God in these situations? How can we see the medical personnel as people who need Jesus and need kindness and love themselves?