Living with a chronic illness or disability means both the tedious and the unexpected.

The Tedious

Honestly, I didn’t want to go. It was one more appointment after a long day of meeting after meeting in my work day. It was raining out which means having asthma issues. The leaves are coming down with the rain which means I would also have allergy issues. (My allergies are… shall we say… significant.)

More than that, I was not feeling like going to yet another medical appointment. They are my “social life.” I would not choose them for a social life. Part of the issue was that the reason for the appointment was a reaction to the treatment, possibly a last resort treatment, that would allow a more normal life with a bit of freedom from isolation. My desire was to simply keep going on with treatment. I could work through the reaction each week if it is helping. The medical field disagreed.

Ever been there? The tedious life of chronic illness, disability, care-giving is not an easy road. Some days, I would just like a break. You, too?

The Unexpected.

My doctor and everyone in the office is so kind. The news was unexpected. Treatment has to be paused until we undergo more testing. The reaction can actually be life-threatening. (I hadn’t thought it was serious, just annoying.) On top of that, we have discovered a new allergy. (Again, I had hoped my symptoms were simply annoying, not a new allergy.) Life will be a bit more restricted.

The doctor is amazing as she tried to figure out options given the new circumstances. One step at a time we continue the journey. God knows the way.

My Response.

It would be accurate to say I am a bit overwhelmed at this unexpected wrinkle in my plans, my journey to health. The new allergen is in a lot of things from food and medicine to household products. It is not a common allergy which means lots of research and checking everything in the house. A friend who also has these kind of extreme allergies immediately began researching. My family rallied, both commiserating and laughing with me.

This morning, I was a bit overwhelmed with it all as I began my day. How will I respond to this? Will I mask it with humor? Yes, that is a definite yes. Sometimes, that is all I show to people. But you, my friends, understand the other side. You get the realization that life will change again. You get the emotions we work through.

My heart went to what God has been teaching me recently. Trust. Be a good soldier. Be strong. Scripture is a good place to turn. It still applies. It applies in the tedious and in the unexpected. The following verses apply in both places.

Philippians 4:4-8, “⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice. ⁵ Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. ⁶ Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. ⁸ Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

Rejoice. Be moderate. Be careful for nothing. Pray and humbly ask God with thanksgiving what the need is.

Look what God does? He gives the peace that passes understanding and keeps our heart and mind through Christ Jesus.

Where do I need to keep my mind during this time? I must keep it on the true, honest, just, pure, lovely things, The things that are good and virtuous. I must praise.

I think that today will be a day when I must remind myself of these things. And, I realize that my current unexpected trial is nothing like what many of you go through. Truly, the changes pale into comparison compared to what you deal with on a daily basis. Yet, it overwhelmed me. Today, I must choose where my focus is in the tedious and the unexpected. What will I choose?

And, even if this truly is my new life or the treatment has to be stopped and my life is what it will be, I must remember these verses. Even if.