This week’s tip comes from an excellent question last week in relation to accepting the changes in our bodies as chronic illness hits or worsens: How do I keep my mind in the right place?

Note: I do not claim to be an expert on the subject, nor do I think there is a simply answer to this question. However, with disability coming at age 3, multiple chronic illnesses coming one after the other, and existing illnesses waxing and waning, I do know what it means to adapt, constantly need to be flexible with plans, be disappointed, and be frustrated. I simply wanted to share what I have learned and am learning over the past few years.

As I was thinking about this, I thought of this quote from Corrie Ten Boom, “Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.” It seems that we live in a world of learning flexibility and disappointment as plans need to change last minute and expectations are rarely met.

We have to remember that God knows best and that nothing comes to us without His plan. A friend has encouraged me more than once that things are much easier to handle and not fret over when we realize that we “simply” trust God. This also pertains to the days of weakness, pain, isolation. Please know that this doesn’t mean that what we are going through is easy or pleasant. It is hard to wrap your mind around things that you no longer do, to constantly have a new normal. This still brings up the question, how do we get to that place of keeping our mind on the right things?

I believe that it is a grieving process as we continuously lose ability, friends, and freedom and adjust to the new reality. Realize that you are grieving what you could have had, what you had expected your life to be, what you are used to, and even your health. The list goes on. This will take time. It also, just as grief does, will come and go at the most inopportune and unexpected times. Allow yourself to grieve, but have a plan in place to help cope with it. The grief is real. Give yourself grace! God does.

Spiritual Truths

This site has many great Scriptures on setting our minds on Christ. Here are a few of the Scriptures:

1. Set your mind on things above. Colossians 3:2-4
2. Renew your mind. Romans 12:1-2
3. Focus on the right things. Philippians 4:8

This book was a huge help to me. It is not easy, but we need to choose gratitude and choose joy in Christ. Please do not think that I say this easily or to dismiss the pain easily. As I type this, I am fighting worry and frustration over a disability-induced situation. I have had to remind myself more than once to praise anyway. In this, remember Job. He is a great example.

Remember that this battle is one in which we must have God’s help. It is not a journey we can conquer on our own. Also, don’t be discouraged when there are hard days at which you fail. God created us and understands. Think of Jesus’ kindness to Peter.

Here are some things that have been a help to me to shift our focus to Christ and eternal things:

• Listen to worship music. The struggle can be real, especially during flare-ups, holidays, or disappointment. I will admit that some nights I have to leave the music on quietly all night to help with peace.
• Saturate your mind with Scripture. Read His Word, listen to the audio Bibles, and post Scripture all over the house. I have chalkboards, whiteboards, and laminated 3×5 cards throughout the house to put verses up that apply to what is currently happening in my life.
• Pray. I like to walk and pray when I am able. Look for needs around you to bring before the Father.
• Encourage others with Scripture cards, a phone call, or a quick text. It can make a tremendous difference.
• Reach out to other people for help on the hard days. We in Home Connections would love to encourage you and be there for the hard times as well as the good times. Come look up our Facebook Group if you haven’t already. Asking for help is not a bad thing. It is a good thing!
• Journal what you are going through. It helps to write it out. Then, talk it over with God. It is okay to share the good, bad, and ugly with Him. The Psalms are filled with lament – people going through rough times and pouring out their raw emotions to God. When we admit it, He is there and comes alongside to help.

In addition to Scripture and the spiritual battle, we must fight to keep our mind in the right place by practical things. Staying busy is one thing that helps, of course, but often we can’t stay busy due to the illness. Ability is just not there. Get creative. Ask others to help you think outside the box to find things you could do.

For me in the past few years, all the hobbies I loved have either been “taken away” by illness or my ability has been drastically reduced. This was (and is) tough. I miss what once was. Yet, I know that many others have the same situation. Here is what I found has helped:

• Don’t be afraid to try something new. I began doing paint by number and other painting crafts very hesitantly as I don’t see myself as a painter. Surprisingly, I love it! It has been a way to reach out.
• Have a hobby. It is fulfilling and restorative.
• Walk, or scoot, or wheel. It is healthy and helpful. Doing it with a friend is even better!
• Adopt a school or nursing home or … the list goes on. Maybe you could write letters or send little care packages.

Another thing that helps in this battle of the mind is to recognize where the “triggers” are for days that it is hard to keep your mind in the right place. Is it stress, holidays, winter-time? Then, prepare as much as you can ahead of time. Please know that this will not guarantee no bad days, but preparation does help. As a personal example, by the end of my second isolated winter, I realized that winters are my tough, tough time. Not only can I not get out as much, but I cannot be around people as much due to flu season. Infections set in one after another every winter. This, honestly, is tough. This year, I stocked up on craft projects before winter and reached out to family and close friends to have as much contact (mainly virtual) as possible. It is still a very tough time, but did help!

Things may never get back to the way they were. It is hard. The battle of the mind is one of the toughest, in my opinion. Give yourself grace in this journey, focus on Christ, reach out, try new hobbies, and prepare ahead for known triggers.

We would love to hear others’ ideas and thoughts on how to keep your mind in the right place during grief. What helps you?